Friday, December 23, 2005

im not supposed to be confused about anything because i've made things clear from the start that i will like mat whether he likes me back or not..that i will continue to love him til i find the right boy for me and because i choose to...and because i still can't let go of this feeling, ok nalang sakin lahat... i hate this..why does someone have to push ideas into my mind again? why does someone have to wake up my bottled up feelings again...i said i'd fight temptation...but i also said i'd give anything to see him happy..then why at this darned season of the year did i have to feel this way? when it gets cold and lonely in this season when everyone is supposed to be happy...why am i so god damned insecure... why do i have to realize that i am not cut out perfect to be his girlfriend and that no matter what i do i will never be? why does he have to tell me all this things? about how other girls like him and how he wonders why he even tells me all these things? why does he have to say i am important when he stresses out that there are also other people as important as i am? why does he make me wait when he tells me im important too?why do i have to love him so much that i couldn't leave even just a little bit for myself? why do i have to succumb to self pity because of him?why do i have to look back at everything we went through when i know for a fact that it's not going to change his mind?or worse give me his so tired of guessing if we're just friends or i we're more than friends.. im so tired of keeping this small light of hope in me that maybe someday, somehow, you'd realize that i mean so much to you...but no matter how tired i am, i still find myself clinging to this small light of hope...i don't want to be stupid forever..and i don't want to be just another girl drooling at the sight of you...and i don't want to keep on guessing forever..haiii....

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(10:02 PM)