Monday, February 06, 2006
i just scratched my face. i am super duper uber stupid. gawd. it hurts now.it really does.
even my heart hurts.it hurts because of you. because i am a self confessed martyr, i am willing to endure all the sadness just for you. just for you you you.
i am stupid.aint i?
mat is the most complicated thing in my life. the most complicated things in life are the ones you don't want to think about. thus, i think about him all the time. gaaaah.
you know, i don't even understand why i have to put up with all the shit that's coming to me right now. and like i told mat, hindi ko alam kung bakit kailngan kong inendure lahat to e hindi naman ako extraordinarily special sa kanya. im a friend, a special friend. it does not elevate me to the girlfriend status. why can't they just bother ciela instead. i know it makes them fucking happy to see me get miserable. alam nila na pag naging miserable ako e magiging miserable din si mat. pero ang puta netong lahat. im willing to fight for mat no matter what. corey knows that. and im not stupid dahil alam kong ako nanaman yung binabanggit niya.
i don't know how long i can endure this, but while i still can, i will.
yes you're right. gusto ko siya protectahan kaya ko ginagawa to. kung magkakamali ako ng pinaniwalaan, i have myself to blame. you don't have to act all noble by warning people about mat.(if whatever you both are saying are indeed true.) what's in it for you? kung tnutulungan niyo ko, tell me, what's in it for you? i honestly wanted to be friends with the both of you. if your intentions are far from being sincere, wag na lang. i don't want to have anything to do with the both of you. you can stop trying to manipulate me now because like i said, if in the end, i was fighting for the wrong person, i have only myself to blame. you know why i always stay by mat's side? it's because he has done everything to assure me that his intentions are true, that our friendship is true, and that whatever i know about him is true. anjan sha para sakin parati. e hindi ko naman kayo kilala or nakakasama. i appreciate your concern.i really do, but if it's not doing me any good anymore, wag nalang. i don't need some more shit to bother me because i have enough shit to think about.