Sunday, February 19, 2006

all good things come to an end. i guess i will end this in my own way.

i've said this probably a hundred times or's always i will never like him again, or at least, cease to. i must've sounded like a broken tape recorder already but i don't really care that much anymore. im not exactly ok but i guess i will be. all i need is time away from him. ewan ko. parang ayoko na. the more i try to open my eyes, the more it makes me feel bad that im starting to realize he's not so perfect after all. im not throwing away a bunch of memories. im just trying to keep myself sane. gusto ko lang siguro magising bago pa magbago tingin ko saknya. i used to know mat very well. turns out i don't. there's so much about him that i know but there's a bunch i don't know too. or i guess i did know, ayoko lang din tlga aminin sa sarili ko na ganun nga kasi ayoko mapahiya sa ibang tao. i put so much effort in keeping my eyes closed. i tried to live in lies. well not exactly lies. i just had this mindset that mat was not that bad and that deng was exaggerating his flaws. i knew it all along but i just wanted to believe he was going to change eventually because i was going to make him. i couldn't pala. i never thought i would eventually be swallowed by his selfishness and even by my own feelings. im too fickle, even fragile. gullible at times, but that's me. i will always be me. but this time, im not enduring this anymore. i love you but for you, my love is just as silly as a little girl's love for rainbows and butterflies. love for me is constant. it's not going to go away immediately, but im not closing my doors.

im human, i get tired too. i was always tired. im just weak that's why i still give in to you. konting kalabit mo lang okay nanaman ako. i have this funny feeling it's not going to be like that anymore.

(10:26 PM)