Wednesday, July 18, 2007

parang di kami mashadong masaya ngayon. at di talaga ko mashadong masaya ngayon. huhuh di pa nga niya ako tinetext e. napaparanoid nanaman ako. kasi ba katext niya si dharlene ngayon? huhu gusto ko nang magsunog!

im trying my best to give all the trust that i can give. it's really so hard for me but i can't help but think of it that way. i have this really funny feeling they're texting each other right now while im here, waiting for nothing. this sucks. it will suck if in the end, i end up blaming myself for pushing him away because i am super duper paranoid. his last text was two hours ago telling me magnenet muna sha before he eats dinner. it's now 9:39 pm and he has not texted me yet. sabi ko sayo e, kung imbestigador ako, napromote nako sa galing ko magtrack ng tao.hay...

i am so goddamn paranoid. i can't help it. may threat e. it's not just some girl i saw on the street. this girl is his ex-girlfriend and it just so happened na wala pa silang closure. they have not seen each other in three years. holy crap, of all the times na pwede sha bumalik, why did she have to come back now when we're together. walang may karapatan magsabi na paranoid lang ako at nagiinarte. i have every right to be paranoid at mag-inarte because we're together now. im not going to sit here waiting for my boyfriend to tell me it was a mistake that we got together because he still loves her. nakakainis putangina.

parang isang linggo atang puro ganito maisusulat ko. it's not ruining my concentration. it's just that wala akong makausap...hay. give me a break.

(8:56 PM)

i dreamt i was crying a river because boyfriend made me cry. nakakairita, even in my dreams, i refuse to believe that there is a need to cry. i am still super bothered by what is happening to our relationship right now. im trying my best not to think about it. i try to have fun with my brothers pero pag nag-iisa nako sa kwarto, i think about it again. bwisit. tapos feeling ko pa medyo cold na sha. putangina. putangina ng lahat ng nangyayari ngayon.

kamon. yesterday was my first day, adding to the shit i feel right now.

(9:56 AM)