Saturday, August 18, 2007

di ko alam bakit ako nagchachaga sa lecheng kwarto nato e amoy tae ng pusa dito. bakit ba ang baho ng tae ng pusa at bakit kelangan sa loob pa sha tumae at ako pa ang naglinis. tangina. it really doesn't make my night any better.

yes, i ruined my own night. i was actually having a good time at espi's place. good food, good company. that was until we started texting each other. i kind of had this conversation planned since yesterday. i wanted to get it out of my chest. i needed to tell him that i still love him and that if there was a possibility that we could get back together, i am for it. i was able to say all those things without thinking of the consequences. i really didn't care about what will happen. wala talaga akong pakialam. initially, i wanted him to tell me that he doesn't love me anymore so i can just get on with my life and move on and i actually did that. he says he couldn't tell me that because he still loves me too. (puta manood ka nga ng kim sam soon. hay.) nagwowonder din sha bakit kelangan niya sabihin yun. for me, the whole point of him saying he doesn't love me anymore is to kill the possibility and the hope of us getting back together again. if this relationship has really ended, i want to make sure that it really ends. wala nang pahabol and one more try whatsoever in the future. if it ends now, it ends forever. gusto ko ganun. ayoko nang nakamove on nako and im already doing fine chaka sha darating ulit para magparamdam at magpahiwatig na he still loves me. that's not the way it's supposed to go. i want to get on with my life.

anyway, sabi niya, since we stil love each other, we can still be friends. cut the crap. whoever says couples who have broken up can still be friends is stupid. lalong lalo na kung yung rason ng pagbbreak niyo is the ex. kagaguhan yun. dalawa lang yun e, it's either we get back together, forget about the ex and work on the relationship or let's just let get on with our lives without each other. hay.

wala lang. pakiramdam ko kasi kanina, it was the "pick me, choose me, love me..." moment. wala lang... feeling ko ako si meredith, sha si derek(mashado atang pogi si derek haha) tapos si london bridge si addison. hay.

i've never been so pathetic.

(11:39 PM)

I see: the screen of my laptop.
I need: to finish painting my textile plate so i can start on something else.
I want: him to tell me that he loves me and he wants to get back together.
I have: a pile of school stuff to do
I love: calamares and i love you.
I hate: london bridge.hmpf
I miss: slacking off hahaha
I fear: roaches of all shapes and sizes
I feel: sad.
I hear: my mom talking to my other tita
I smell: clothes fresh from the laundry
I crave: for ice cream
I search: for reasons aysus
I wonder: why im so chicken
I regret: telling you to your face that i love you so much and i want you to choose me.

When was the last time you...

Smiled?: denuinely smiled? i cannot remember. ever since the break up, i haven't smiled as in smiled na ako mismo ang rason. weird.
Laughed?: kanina
Cried?: last night
Bought something?: hmm, the other day i bought school stuff from national
Danced?: a few minutes ago
Were sarcastic?: hmmm i am always sarcastic hehe
Watched your favorite movie? hmm i cannot remember
Last book you read: hmmm dramaqueen?
Last movie you saw: hp5 shet
Last thing you had to drink: water!
Last time you showered: before lunch
last thing you ate: dinuguan

Do you...

Smoke?: yes
Do drugs?: No
Sleep with stuffed animals?: no. i sleep with live animals. :D
Live in the moment?: hmm
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yish
Believe there is life on other planets?: yish
Remember your first love?: hahaha of course
Still love him/her?: who?
Read the newspaper?: yes
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: i have both
Believe in miracles?: I do.
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes. it's just a matter of self control.
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: i guess so. i don't care haha
Consider love a mistake?: hahaha
Like the taste of alcohol?: yes
Have a favorite candy?: hmm mentos
Believe in astrology?: yes
believe in magic?: yes
Believe in God?: of course
Pray?: when im sad.
Go to church?: every sunday.
Have any secrets?: a lot.
Have any pets: cats
Do well in school?: i used to.
Do plan to go to college?: Im almost done with college.
Have a major?: advertising arts
Wear hats?: nope
Have any piercings?: one on each ear and one on my belly.
Have any tattoos?: Nope...someday ehehe
Hate yourself?: kinda
Have an obsession?: solitaire haha
Have a secret crush?: yes
Do they know yet?: they always know. haha
Collect anything?: receipts, tickets, beer labels and letters
Have a best friend?: Yes
Wish on stars?: yes
Like your handwriting?: No
Have any bad habits?: hmm
Care about looks?: sometimes.
Believe in Satan?: hmm .
Believe in ghosts?: Yes

(2:34 PM)

i feel crappy right now. all the while i thought he was checking my friendster out to see what's going on with me, di pala. all the hope left in me just died like a candle that lost it's wick.(oo na trying so hard to be makata) ewan. nakakainis. hmpf.

you ask for an eric to text you. yes you get an erik but he's not the eric that you want.

nadidisappoint ako shet.

(11:13 AM)