Wednesday, January 31, 2007

now i can openly talk about that dreaded secret because it's out in the open. well almost...

now really, are we really supposed to understand and accept the situation? knowing my mom, it will take some years before she really learns to accept you. honestly, just because i want to be there for my brother means i will have to like you whole heartedly. marunong tlga ako makisama. ganun ako e. but this doesn't mean it's okay that this happened. di ko alam. i can't help but think that you're not too sorry this happened. it really sucks to be judgemental but i can't help it. naiinis ako because i somehow feel that you took my brother away from us. lahat na ata ginawa namin for kuya pero nangyari parin ung ganito. nakakainis. because of this dreaded thing, my brother has to work not because he wants to be successful or something but because he has to feed your child. i have no hatred for the baby. ano bang kasalanan nung bata. sino bang may gustong mangyari yon. naiinis ako sa inyong dalawa kasi parang nung ginawa niyo yon, naisip niyo ba magiging reaksyon naming lahat? naisip mo ba na may sakit sa puso nanay ko and she wouldn't take this news very well? im trying to understand you, really. naiinis lang ako because i feel you were insensitive to let things like this happen. pareho kayo ni kuya na insensitive. you are both foolish. yes i know you both love each other, but couldn't you have waited a little more? at oo ikaw alam mong ayaw sayo ng nanay ko, bakit di mo manlang sana naisip na baka sakaling magustuhan ka niya kung di mo hinayaang mangyari yung ganito? now really, how am i supposed to understand? kilala kita, matalino kang tao. nanghihinayang lang ako kung bakit di ka muna nag-isip bago niyo ginawa yan? yes i know accidents happen. i really can't blame the both of you for having done what you did but i can't help but feel anger towards the both of you because i know you are both old enough to know the consequences actions like this result into. ok lang kung may trabaho kuya ko. ok lang if he really can stand on his own now. hindi pa sha handa e. kung sa sinasabi mong sinasakal namin sha, oo sinasakal namin sha kasi gusto namin magpursige sha sa pagtatrabaho. anong mangyayari sa kaniya kung bwat trabaho na gusto niyang ayawan e hahayaan namin sha? anong kapupuntahan ng buhay niya? e ano kung di sha pinapayagan parati kaya pakiramdam niya sinasakal namin sha? di lahat ng paalam pinapayagan kami. ako i've learned to live with that fact that i can't go out everytime i want to. that's the way life is. maraming beses ko nang inexplain yan kay kuya pero di niya maintindihan yan. patuloy parin shang umaalis ng kasama mo na hindi niya sinasabi samin ang totoo. di ko alam kung ikaw ang nagbubuyo sa kanya na lumabas kayo o ano. ok ka sana sakin e, kung di lang nagbago kuya ko ng dahil sayo. ok lang sana e. natuwa ako dahil binigyan mo ng idea ung kuya ko na mag-isip isip na kelangan niyang magdesisyon para sa sarili niya. pero sa kasamaang palad, ung mga desisyong ginawa niya e hindi tama. you know what, i pity you. ginawa mong miserable buhay mo because you married into a family like mine.im saying "married" because i know eventually you will marry into my family. kung sana lang hinintay mo na magustuhan ka na tlga namin bago niyo naisipang gumawa ng anak. kung sana naghintay kayo...

(3:37 PM)