Thursday, November 01, 2007

kung may usok, may apoy.

in fairness naman di kami nag-away ngayon. (wala na ba tlga akong makwento kundi ung boyfriend ko?teka eto muna, nabwisit lang kase ako dito, slight. hehe) katawa lang kase ang layo ng pinag-ugatan. inusisa kase ng mga pinsan niya sa states yung friendster ko. sa totoo lang, natatawa lang ako kase first time ko masubject sa scrutiny ng mga taong di ko kilala. technically, first time to na may karapatan ako kase dati ata sinisilip ni deng yung multiply ko or something dahil kay mat na di naman dapat. eh?(long story.) anyway, e yun according to his cousin, pretty naman daw ako. (haha okay. 100 points.) tapos ang kaso, mas gusto daw niya si dharlene kesa sakin. oo si dharlene with an H. e yun di naman ako nainis kase ok lang, beauty is subjective. and besides, kung ibabase niya sa ugali or personality, she really doesn't have anything to base her opinions on because she doesn't know me. kaya kung si dharlene with an H yung gusto niya, ok lang. opinyon niya yun. maganda naman ako. sabay hirit ng ganun e. joke lang yun. baka mamaya e lamunin ako ng lupa. e yun sinabi ko un kay kabayan na hindi ako naiinis. ok lang yun kung yun ang sabi niya. sabi ko lang, "it's like my brother telling me he prefers someone else for me." take note, sabi ko IT'S LIKE, which means it's an example. anyway, parang na-apektohan sha don at nagrant nanaman tungkol kay mat. NGE. bakit daw sha pa, e gsto naman daw ng buong angkan si mat. e kamusta naman pagsiksikin ko ba sarili ko dun e ndi nga tlga. ang weird. anyway, di daw sha nagseselos, tinanong lang daw niya. (hah!mmmmmmkay... sarcastic ako.obyus ba.) e yun. di na sha nagreply.

ang totoo diyan mejo nainis ako na mas type nila si dharlene with an H kesa sakin. parang naisip ko na baka mas type niya parin sha kesa saken. di tlga mawala wala sa eksena yung babaeng yun. kung direktor lang ako at artista sha, tatanggalin ko talaga ung character niya. kumbaga si christine reyes, tatanggalin ko lang sa marimar. ewan. nagiinarte lang ako kase inaantok nako.

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kanina e nasa sementeryo kami. ok naman. nakakatawa lang kasi pagdating namin, ang init ng araw. (lagi naman e.hahaha) e yun, ang init tlga kaya yung ichura ko pagbaba ng kotse, suplada to the highest level. i didn't mean for my expression to appear that way, mainit lang tlga. anyway, nung papunta na kami sa puntod ng lolo't lola ko, may ibang nakapwesto sa tent. e naguluhan ako kase alam ko tent namin un, e di nung pagdating namin, kinausap ng nanay ko ung mga nasa tent at sinabing kami ang nagpareserve. e yun nahiya lang ako kase ung ichura tlga namin, "attack of the mag-iinang maldita". ung ichura kase ng nanay ko panalo e. yun lang sige na inaantok nako ulet. sus magsosodoku lang ako. hahaha bago kong hobby.

(11:33 PM)



5 months na kami ngayon. galeng no. kung di kami nagbreak dapat, hmmm...dapat 8 months na. ewan ko kung bakit naginig complicated ang pagbibilang e kala ko naman kinacount na ung mga buwan na wala kayo. ewan, i really don't feel the need to think about it because he hasn't texted me about it, or even greeted me a "goodmorning." ang arte ko nanaman, magkakaroon na siguro ako. ayon sa aking countdown e dapat ngayon meron nako.

sa totoo lang, nakakapurga na ang may boypren. ewan ko, even the distance is not helping. we've been fighting about petty things. madalas dala lang ng mga kaartehan niya at mga bagay na alam niyang kinasasama ng loob ko tapos ginagawa pa niya.

nakakainis lang din kasi i already turned down two boys who asked me to go out with them. bwisit lang kase dati nag-dadrama ako na wala akong boys and i felt like im not likable. yun pala, nawalan lang ng oportunidad lumandi. bwahaha. hinde, kase naman, noon, feeling ko mukha akong ita kaya walang nanliligaw sakin. amputa. tapos kung kelan meron chaka kayo nag-aaya, mga hinayupak. nakakainis tuloy parang ang sarap nalang maging single.

siguro nagrarant lang ako kase it's the hormones that's doing the talking.

ewan. sa totoo lang nakakadisappoint sha. i miss talking to someone who always seems interested in what i have to say. he tells me i can't force him to be interested in some of the things im interested in dahil di daw interesting sa kanya. e puta, it's not my fault if he likes living in his own little world. sometimes you have to be more open minded, widen your horizons. lawakan naman niya ung pananaw niya sa mundo, di ung puro nba, riza santos at boy stuff ung gusto niya. we really don't talk about our interests that much. sabi ko nun, buhay nako kung ung boypren ko e good conversationalist. i like watching movies but i also like talking about them after. i like eating out and i like to talk while i eat. parang kulang na kulang kami sa ganun. minsan feeling ko tuloy he just wants to have someone to go out with.

i want to grow. i want to know more about other people and i want to learn new things. i need someone i can grow as a person with. minsan iniisip ko, is he even learning anything from me? is he becoming a better person with me? sa totoo lang, di ko kailangan ng taong kadate lang. i need someone i can learn things from. i need someone who i can be crazy with. i need someone who will just let me be me. ay ang arte ko no.

ang bottomline, di ko kailangan ng relasyon dahil gusto ko lang ng may karelasyon.

don't get me wrong. he is a nice person and he's sweet. it's just that there are things i want to have in a relationship. may ups and downs din. and im not exactly super nice as well. minsan lang sa buhay, nakakadisappoint when people fall short of your expectations.



hay. happy all souls day.






ps.
nakagawa nako ng blueberry cheesecake. shet ang taray!

(11:33 AM)