Saturday, November 01, 2008
meron akong crush dati. he was a friend.( actually he still is.) the crush thing, which i actually thought was a crush, was not a crush after all. it was just a spur of the moment thing, sort of a misinterpretation of a feeling of awkwardness. anyway the weird feeling is still a weird feeling. nung nagkita kasi kami ulet after a long time, ganun parin yung feeling. ewan ko. naguguluhan ako. haha walang sense yung pinagsasabi ko. basta nawiwirdohan ako. di ko kase alam kung gusto ko nga sha o hinde. bahala na si batman hehe.
jakpat lang kase kaya ganito hahaha.
ang lousy ng all saints day namin. dati kasi masaya pa dahil kumpleto kaming mag-anak. i don't know why this is happening but we have been spending all saint's day without our other relatives. wala namang awayan. iba nalang siguro ang panahon.
si tayag halos araw araw na ulet nagtetext sakin. there are times when i wish he would text me to at least, check up on me. but everytime he did, the conversations never lasted and it didn't make sense to talk about nonsense. it was like he texted lang just to ask questions. di na nga siguro babalik sa dati ung mga usapan namin. dati may mga heart to heart talk pa kami, mga kwentuhan tungkol sa buhay niya. ngayon parang wala lang yung mga usapan. di ko alam kung tumatanda nalang ako o ano.
i must admit that i am GETTING LONELY. i've been working my ass off at work pero wala manlang ako mashare-an tungkol sa araw ko. i used to chat with alfred during work hours until ym was blocked at work. wala na akong makausap. pam doesn't reply to my e-mails anymore but i understand because she might be busy with fashion school as well.
nalolonely na ako. dati kasi kahit sobrang crappy ng relationship namin ni tayag, meron parin naman akong nahihingahan kapag napapagod ako o kaya pag nalulungkot ako. naiiyakan ko naman sha. he's not really a bad person. he just wasn't the kind of person i wanted to be with. there's so much i needed from a boyfriend and he couldn't be all that i needed him to be. ganun talaga, you will never get the perfect package you dream of having. you have to make do with what you have. siguro hindi naman niya inintend na di maging interested sa lahat ng ginagawa ko. hindi lang talaga kami pareho ng gusto and he wasn't into the relationship as much as i was. nalulungkot lang ako kase i still wanted to give it a try but he didn't want to anymore.
ang lungkot. sana kahit crappy yung relationship namin, sana kami paren para alam ko na may person ako. (like meredith has a cristina) i need someone who is as twisted as i am. well i am hoping to find someone soon, or maybe he should find me soon.