Tuesday, August 14, 2007

yeeeeh kanye west! haha. labo.

i can feel my period coming and it sucks because im starting to feel depression again. i really have other things to do but i just can't help it, sobrang wala nanaman ako sa mood. and my feet stink nakakainis. my feet smell like a truck of stinking puppies.

to make things worse, something happened yesterday. i didn't feel guilty about it until i told pam. shempre nagalit sha because it shouldn't have happened at this point in our relationship or should i say ex-relationship. it's not really a big deal for me because we both missed each other kaya parang nacarried away lang siguro kami. i kind of said na it wasn't going to happen again so we both shouldn't expect things to get better after seeing each other yesterday. it's not that easy to let go of everything. forgiveness is a lot harder to give this time.

Its funny how sometimes, 1 thing can mean so much to yourself and mean so less to the one you shared it with. :(

i feel so sad right now.something for me to think about. FOR THE NTH TIME.


What happens when someone breaks your heart?

When someone breaks your heart, first you are shocked. Someone will say you are heart broken and you examine the the words break and heart and heartbroken and you immediately decide that it's inaccurate. You feel pain in the region of your heart and you think it's your heart breaking but one's heart doesn't really break,something else does -faith. You stop believing.

No, not in the big things which are most of the time irrelevant. You still believe in God or Buddha or some Supreme Being, you still believe child prostitution is bad. You just stop believing in the small things that you do, the small things that give meaning to your daily life, and you begin to think everything is pointless: Why get up? Why dress up? Why breathe in and out? What for? What for?

When someone breaks your heart (your faith), you stop believing and you switch off the lights inside your heart.Someone is home but that someone is lying in the dark, in the room farthest from the gate and that someone can't hear anything. Friends, parents, they all call out to her from the gate("come out" which means "move on") but they are unheard, unseen, unacknowledged.

When someone breaks your heart, you turn into a small small ball of self pity. You lie in bed, in a ball. You hug your knees, keeping them close to your chest, like a fetus. Freud said it's human instinct to go back to the womb to feel safe.

But that's what happens when someone breaks your heart -they steal the very thing that makes you feel safe, whole, intact.


ewan ko. bigla ko nanaman naramdaman ng ang sakit sakit ng nangyari samin. naiinis ako kasi mahal ko parin sha at alam kong kahit papano e mahal parin niya ako. ang masaklap lang, mahal din niya yung isa. ang sakit kasi ako naman ung ngayon(noon) pero di ako ang pinili niya. tapos ginago na sha, ako parin naman yung nanjan a. bakit pa sha kelangan masaktan?

tangina. bakit ka sumasabay ngayon. gusto ko nanaman umiyak. lintek.

(10:28 PM)